Pedal Power The continuing journey of
the National Clarion Cycling Club
Written by Richard Povall; original songs by Rebekah Hughes and Richard Povall
First performed at The Working Class Movement Library, 51, The Crescent, Salford on Sunday 9 May 2004 and sub-
sequently toured as part of Mikron Theatre Company’s 33rd National Waterways Summer Tours and 23rd Autumn Tour.
The acting company: Elizabeth Eves Marianne McNamara Robert Took Peter Toon
Directed by Richard Povall Musical direction by Rebekah Hughes
Props, costume and design by Michael Camden and Annie Dearman
This script is the property of Mikron Theatre Company, Marsden Mechanics, Peel Street, Marsden, HD7 6HN, 01484 843701, admin@mikron.org.uk
All rights reserved Richard Povall, c/o Mikron Theatre richard@hard-end.fsnet.co.uk
ACTI
Scene 1
Overture. It’s a weekday morning and High Street, Horton, East Manchester is beginning to come alive.
Bike bells, ‘bike’ percussion, ‘The Shop on the High Street’ theme, ‘Peer Gynt’, etc.
The Shop on the High Street
Remember the Choppers, the Chippers, the Grifters, the racers
And the card upon the chair?
On cold Christmas mornings and old birth day dawnings
With your present waiting there.
Now you're riding out for the first time, Since your dad taught you to ride
On the grass in the park,
When you bump off the pavement
The roads are far and wide
From the shop on the High Street,
The shop on the High Street’s name (you won’t forget),
The shop on the High Street seems to dream for me.
Christal Music under this. Addressing her class So children, before we break up I’d like to ask you all what you are going to be doing during the holidays. Let’s start with you Becky, yes? Listens It’s your birthday, how lovely, many happy returns. What present have you asked for? A
32
bike, really?! Half to herself Makes a change from computer games that’s lovely. Now, did you know that my dad works in a shop that sells bicycles, all sorts of different ones and that he used to race very fast, for a club called The Clarion Cycling Club.
Children Look through the window: there’s Falcons and Raleighs,
There’s speedos, reflectors and lights,
Sprockets and saddles, reflectors and mudguards
On a thousand million bikes;
Hydration systems and walkie-talkies Stop Hydration systems and walkie talkies!!!? The shop on the High Street.
Christal the head teacher as she is preparing to leave Well Liz, I happen to think that these things are as important as numeracy and literacy. And, frankly, if teachers set a better example by walking or cycling to work well you know my views. Sorry, can’t make the SATS meeting this holiday I’m helping my parents move. Makes to go Oh, yes, there is one chink of hope. Becky Wilson is getting a bike for her birthday. Bye now!
Children Curly mixes and matches bike bits to make
his own machine,
Charlie sticks cardboard in his spokes to make his wheels scream,
Billy’s wheels ain’t got no tyres so he makes a shower of sparks,
Karl has got a dynamo set and his bike’s so much better than ours!
“No passengers on the back.” “But you can’t do wheelies!” “Me mum’s gonna get me that.” “Oh yeah really think so!”
The shop on the High Street
The shop on the High Street’s name (you won't forget)
The shop on the High Street seems to dream for me.
Music under this. It’s 9am March 2004 just outside Hoyland’s Cycles in the High Street, Horton, East Manchester. Enter Colin Hoyland, he’s on his way to work along the High Street. He is a vital 73-year-old. As he nears the front door of Hoyland’s Cycles (upstage), other shopkeepers opening up or walking past speak/shout to him.
SK1F Morning Colin.
SK2M Last day at Hoyland’s Cycles, everything must go, eh Col?, Colin Bit of a sort out that’s all it needs. Cor, not
warm is it? It’s March, thought spring were on the way.
SK2M What, in Manchester?! SK1F You’ll be off soon, sunning yerself somewhere. Colin I’m not going far. You’ve not seen the last of me.
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
SKs SHAME Laughter
SK2 Get away, you’ll be on that tandem with Iris and down south to the Prestbury Riviera or the Macclesfield Keys before you can say Chris Boardman.
Colin Don’t see why we couldn’t wait ’til 2005, the 50th anniversary next year meself. No arguing with our Iris though, is there?!
SK1
SK2 Might be to you love she has our Colin for breakfast, dunt’t she eh Col?
Colin
Colin enters Hoyland’s Cycles. There’s a bell that dings. Picks up the post, puts on his overall and starts to look at the task ahead. He picks up wheels, and sprockets and stuff and looks a little bereft. Whistles.
Colin The shop on the High Street, The shop on the High Street seems to dream for me.
Colin flips the sign round OPEN.
Give over, she’s soft as anything lovely Iris.
She tries. Right gotta open up. See yer later.
Scene 2
Ding. Iris, a vital 70-year-old, comes into the shop. She is speaking to one of the other shopkeepers out of the open door.
Iris Yes, well you too could look like this if you got some exercise. Laughs See you later.
Colin Here, keep the cold out. So much for Spring being on the way.
Iris Shutting the door What’s up wi’ you? Here I'll make you a cuppa.
Colin Look Iris why don’t we wait ’til next year? Go out with a bang the big 50th?
Tris We're going today I thought we’d decided this. Tea?
Pause as Colin tinkers disconsolately,
Iris Look, our Christal, there’s always a chance i’n’t there? We know Garry’s not interested but Now, wanna cuppa or not?
Colin Go on then. Pause None of them lot know, none of the kids of today have got any idea at all. None whatsoever.
Iris What are you on about now? You sound like a GMR phone-in! Colin Tripe Corner, I was brought up, near the gas-
works, you know at the end of Viaduct Street
Iris Laughs Listen to yourself: Tripe Corner! Viaduct Street! The Gasworks! Tries to wander off to make the tea. Colin Velodrome for the Commonwealth Games The bike was my way out of there wa’n’t it.
they flattened it all when they built the you know.
Tris Let’s get that kettle on shall we?! Pause Colin Remember love, when we used to go riding
together? How long is it now?
Iris Since our Rob died? Oh 20 year over!
25 now.
Colin Every Sunday, Clarion Club Run, on the tandem. Eh?! Maybe out to Buxton or Bakewell and Haddon Hall. Laughs as he remembers. Coming back on Sunday evening, and we’d see the people queuing for the pictures and we'd feel really sorry for ’em! The highlight of their weekend. They don’t know what we’ve done like, we’ve been out since 7 o’clock in morning and it’s been nothing but fun. You see they didn’t know like our Garry doesn’t know all these people who come in here
Tris Here we go! Tea time
Colin We ought to see what’s happened to the Clarion Cycling Club, Stockport Section or whatever, you know Iris. Revive it.
Iris I don’t think it’s been un-vived has it!? Now, come on we’ve got to get cleared up or else no one’s ever gonna buy it. He does nothing. So, let’s get on with it.
Colin Tris Um?
Colin cuppa or what?!
Alright. Pause Iris?
I'm bloody gasping here, are we having a
We hear a whistling kettle.
Scene 3
Birmingham February 1894. A gentleman’s outfitters. The kettle is boiling it whistles. Tom Groom (23) is folding underwear.
Nancy Off Oh Mr Groom! Mr Groom. Shouting rather unpleasantly MR GROOM.
Tom It’s Tom, Nancy.
Nancy Entering It would appear Mr Groom that the kettle is telling us that the water has reached the requisitive temperature for tea making and that therefore you should make some tea!
Tom goes off to make the tea
Nancy picks up a newspaper sitting on the counter The Clarion. Begins to flick through, with little interest.
Nancy Reading “The Clarion, edited by Nunquam Saturday February 10th 1894” Calling What’s Nunquam?
Tom Off It’s a pen name for Robert Blatchford, he started The Clarion. All the writers have pen names: Dangle, Mont Blong, Whiffley Puncto and The Bounder, Ned Fay, he’s a great big Irish fella. The Bounder he’s everyone’s favourite. You should read it. Might learn something!
Nancy Thinks it’s stupid Whiffley Puncto?? Reading an advert “Cycles! Cycles! Cycles! British cycle mounts are the finest. Read testimonials. Easy terms from 10s per month. Safeties, tandems and tricycles in great variety.” You bicycle do you not Mr Groom? What would “a safety” be?
Tom Re-entering with tea. Will you call me Tom, please. Well the safety cycle is different to the Ordinary.
Nancy Feeling that she should probably know this. Ordinary? Tom Penny-farthing some call it: one big wheel and
one small one, very high up. I used to ride one, but I’ve a
33
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
safety now. They’re the new thing really: two wheels the same size, chain, cranks; they’re cheaper and much easier to get going, especially for ladies. You should try one. You could try mine at dinner if you like, you would love it.
Nancy Oh no, I couldn’t possibly. I'd be worried about you know?
Tom No, what?
Nancy Damaging my ladies’ functions.
Tom Oh no... you could still cook and clean and that.
Nancy Nooo my
Tom Realising he thinks. Oh Realising again Oooh.
Enter Mr and Mrs Youell. Mr Youell is moving very gingerly and appears in considerable discomfort.
Nancy Good morning Mr Youell, Mrs Youell.
Mrs Y Good day.
Nancy Now, you'll have come for your truss Mr Youell. Mr Y Grimaces
Mrs Y Yes he has, haven’t you dear?
Nancy Still painful is it?
Mr Y Grimaces
Mrs Y Yes it is, isn’t it dear? Nancy hands over the truss. Mr Y Grimaces
Nancy I will put that on your account. Now, we were
just conversing on the subject of safety bicycles, were we not, and the relative ease of ridings for the ladies thereof, were we not Mr Groom?
Mrs Y I beg your pardon?
Tom Women on bicycles, madam.
Mr Y has picked up The Clarion.
Mrs Y Oh no, cycling is not really something that I
would recommend to anyone. Now what did I read only the other day? Yes: “Every woman that rides a cycle should understand that she can do so in moderation only and that if she attempts more she will pay for it dearly.” Now hurry along dear. Good day to you. Grabs the paper from her husband. What is this? “An illustrated weekly journal of Literature, Politics, Fiction, Philosophy, Theatricals, Pastimes, Criticism and everything else.” Mmm!
Mrs Youell reads with increasing interest. Something not unnoticed by Nancy.
Nancy And cycles.
Tom Well the cycle is the ideal mode of transport for a Socialist. Gets you out of the dirty capitalist town, into the freedom of the countryside. You can go anywhere, spread the gospel. Warming to his theme Become travelling prophets of a new era. In fact, we could found a Clarion Cycling Club. 50 of us on cycles, each with 30 copies of The Clarion, stop in a village, stop anywhere, and have a public meeting and sell pamphlets. A Clarion Cyclist would be a Socialist utilising his cycle for the combined purposes of pleasure and propaganda. Smiles, proud of his vision.
Mrs Y Looking up from the paper finally Cycling Socialists pah, don’t be so ridiculous! Come along dear.
34
They exit. Mrs Youell still has the paper. Nancy swiftly liberates it from her.
Mrs Y
Nancy Yes really, cycling socialists, don’t be so ridiculous. Now, get those singlets folded please.
Iam so sorry.
Settles to read The Clarion.
Scene 4
1895. Under ‘A Bicycle Made For Two’ enter Robert Blatchford (small and extravagantly moustached, aged 43) who begins to construct our tandem. Followed by Edward Fay (6°2”, 18 stone, a florid Yorkshire-born Irishman, aged 40, in a jaunty hat and shabby ulster). They are preparing to embark on a trip on a tandem.
Ned This is grand, isn’t it Bob, to be sure. Takes a pull from a hip flask.
Bob Indeed Ned. Now, let’s away. We are guests of honour at this Clarion Cycling Club meeting and it would look very bad if the paper’s editor and favourite writer were late.
They mount with some difficulty the tandem and set off. Blatch at the front. Music as they move. They travel some distance with Robert straining and doing all the work, Fay is having a gay time, looking at the nature and sipping his flask.
Bob Huffing If this is what things are like on the flat, 1 am dreading to think how we will cope on the hills.
Time passes (music).
Bob Could you exert a little more pressure Ned do you think?
Ned Beg pardon?
Bob Could you pedal harder?
Ned Pedal?! Me?! Oh, I did wonder what these two
at the back were for. Sorry, I thought that you’d be taking your turn first. I pedal as well, I see.
Time passes (music). They are both pedalling now. Both are somewhat out of breath.
Bob Politics is a little like riding a tandem don’t you think Ned? Two people that both need to agree which way they’re going to go.
Ned He is really puffed 1 think it’s the company that I prefer. At the moment, I am making the most intimate acquaintance of two ferrets fighting in your knickerbockers. He perks up on seeing two ladies But I think that I would prefer to make their acquaintance. Hold up Bob, whoah! Shouting Hello there young ladies.
They draw closer to two Derbyshire lasses leaning on a wall and dismount.
Ned Bob Good afternoon.
Ned Bob Do you know the way to Ashbourne/the nearest pub?
Lass 1 There’s not a pub for miles. Lass 2 Ashbourne is 39 mile that way. Ned Not, in truth, the answers for which I was
looking. May I introduce ourselves? I am Edward Francis Fay, ‘The Bounder’, they call me that know me. This is the
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
famous Robert Blatchford, genius, political philosopher and writer. Nunquam dormio they call him, meaning ‘I never sleep’, on account of his vigilance for injustice although I think ‘I never pedal’ is more appropriate! Bob gives him a look.
Lass 1
Ned We are to attend the inaugural meeting of a Club of Socialist Cyclists, at which we will be the guests of honour.
Lass1 Socialists? To her friend Did you hear what our Ged did to the Socialists in Ashbourne?
And what fetches you up to these parts?
Lass 2 I didn’t know there were any Socialists in Ashbourne.
Lass 1 There aren’t now!
Lass 1 We don’t know owt about politics round here. Lass 2 Nor do we want to know owt.
Lass 1&2 Good day to you.
They exit.
Bob They appeared to be immune to your charms, Ned.
Ned Yes, to be sure. Right, there’s bound to be a
pub somewhere near. Onwards, and this time I’m going in front, you’re far too slow.
Scene 5
Hoylana’s Theme.
Hoyland’s Cycles mid-morning. Enter through the front door Christal (47) and Garry (42). Ding.
Chris God, it’s nippy out there. Thanks for the lift Garry. Garry Well we can’t have our Christal getting
knocked off her bike like Saint Rob, can we? Chris gives him a look. He’d be here today wouldn’t he? Well actually he’d probably be running the place, so we wouldn’t have to be here to help cart out all the tat.
Chris He was your twin Garry.
Garry Really?! And he’s been dead for 25 years Chris, so
Enter Iris from another part of the shop.
Chris Mum gives her a hug Happy to be getting out of here?
Elizabeth Eves, Marianne McNamara, Robert Took and Peter Toon in Pedal Power
Tris Oh yeah, I am. J can’t say the same for your dad. Garry Mum. He'll be gawping at Trisha before long
you'll see. Where do we start then? I’ve got until dinner time.
Garry exits, to another part of the shop. Tris Did you cycle here love?
Chris No, got a lift with car-man there! He constantly complains about his weight, but drives everywhere, have you noticed. He’s like those people who drive a couple of miles to the gym and then go on the treadmill or the parents that drive little Jonny to school ’cos they’re worried about him being kidnapped when he’s more likely to get run over by a parent driving their kid to school. All wrong in’t it. It must have been wonderful to not have to worry about cars when you started riding.
Iris Well, even then, me dad wouldn’t let me go out on me own, thought it was too dangerous. On the Clarion Club runs there’d be about 30 of us.
Chris
Tris Yeah I miss it. We used to be out all the time. Sitting on that saddle was like freedom to me Iris sits and she acts out her reverie. You could go anywhere, anytime you wanted. Mile upon mile upon mile, Cheshire in the winter, Derbyshire in the summer. You’d see everything, every tree, canal, farm, your favourite cafes to stop at, and every pot hole was imprinted on your backside!! And all the horrible things that happened to you, I’m not saying that riding took them away, but it made them better. Especially riding ‘fixed’; fixed wheel, no gears, no freewheeling, you could feel like you were a part of your bike, just a little less pressure to slow down, a little more to speed up. Mile upon mile upon mile, without you even noticing; just a gentle rhythm. Beautiful, beautiful. Snaps out Couldn’t ride fixed now.
Do you miss it?
Chris Why not? Iris Well all the hills have magically got steeper! Chris You should get back into it, mum. Is the
Clarion still going?
Iris I think so. We might look into it when we’ve done in here. Your dad’s still a life member. Talking of which, let’s go and make old bug-a-lugs a cup a tea.
She goes. Leaving Chris to have a moment. She has been moved by her mother. Enter Colin.
Colin You alright love?
Chris Yeah. She is not and embraces her father. Colin What’s up Chris?
Chris I grew up with this place.
Colin I know love, I know.
Scene 6
1894, Music. The chords to ‘Free Wheeling’. Mrs Groom is in the process of making bread. Tom Groom enters reading a copy of The Clarion. A child comes to the table
to colour in.
Tom “The Clarion is a paper meant by its owners to tell the truth as they see it frankly and without fear. I would therefore beg our serious friends to remember that truth
35
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
may lie under a smile as well as under a frown, and
Mother Taking up the baton with a smile to our merry friends would say that a jest The child tries to get the paper from Tom but he prevents her by holding it above his head etc. is none the less hilarious when it comes from the heart. Music starts. The policy of The Clarion is a policy of humanity, a policy not of party, sect or creed; but of justice, reason and mercy.” Now, you will let your mother read it won’t you Tom?
Tom And the children can colour in the cartoons as well! Gives the front page of the paper to his sibling.
Mother pops the dough in a bowl to prove, and looks around for something with which to cover it. She manages to snatch the rest of the paper from Tom.
Tom Mother! What you doing? Mother Covering the bread with the truth! Free Wheeling
They say these highways once belonged to kings,
Well now they belong to me;
The hedgerows, fields and villages
That some folks never see.
I got fifty of me Sundays friends
From the Birmingham CCC.
What’s that? The Birmingham Clarion Cycling Club that is! Oh, right.
With conviviality And amiability, fellowship is life to thee and me.
Pedal power, pedal power,
Two wheels on a frame send me freewheeling down.
Pedal power,
Wheel free on pedal power
Pedal power, pedal power, pedal power.
So come along with me on Sunday morning,
I'll show you something you just won’t believe.
The air is clean and the roads go on forever,
Far away from your dreary working week
We loaded up down at Snow Hill On the 7.33;
Wolverhampton for breakfast “Bacon, eggs and tea”.
Arley, Bewdley, Pershore, Stourport Worcester, Ombursley.
What they call liberation;
It’s one day’s worth of freedom
From timetables and getting home for tea.
Pedal power, pedal power
Two wheels on a frame send me freewheeling down.
Pedal power
Wheel free on pedal power
Pedal power, pedal power, pedal power.
One whistle blow Single file Two whistle blows Steady
36
Three whistle blows Dismount.
The first man rang his bell and dismounted, the others followed suit. The first man spake not, but pointed with tremendous delight to where they sold the Clarion. We all marched in, in order, purchased our Clarions and then as solemnly walked out, mounted our machines and proceeded on our way as men who had had a glimpse of higher things. Say no man lives until he has been on tour with Clarion CC. ’Til then he but exists!
More song. Whatever bit we think will work!
Scene 7
Theme.
Hoyland’s Cycles.
Chris You met through the Clarion didn’t you?
Iris Well, we met through bikes. He’d been cycling
all his life, ’'d only just started. My mother thought I was an oddity. Colin came up to me, all smart like difficult to believe isn’t it?! and said, “Do you wanna come out on Sunday, I’m going to Bollington, there’s a road race round the town centre?” and I said “What’s a road race?”
We now see Colin as a young man. It is 1953, he’s 22.
Colin Well, it’s like a big group of riders, and they all just belt round in big circle. Do you wanna come with me?
Old Iris has removed her overall, and is now Young Iris (19). Iris Yeah.
It’s bucketing down. Rain/storm FX. Colin walks to the door and knocks. Iris’s Dad answers.
Colin Is Iris in Mr Blakeley?
Dad You're never cycling to Bollington in this? Colin Er, yes Mr Blakeley.
Dad Calling IRIS, DOOR.
Iris comes out. It’s tippling down.
Iris Hello Colin. Will they cancel it?
Colin I don’t think so, no.
Iris and Colin cycle in the rain to Bollington.
Colin To himself She’s not going to like this, she’s not going to like this at all. Why won’t they cancel it? It’s twenty odd mile to Bollington and it’s tippling down, AND we've got to come back! It might stop for the race. PLEASE let it stop, PLEASE, PLEASE.
They watch the race. It’s still raining. Iris Isn’t it dangerous in the rain?
Pointlessly holding a coat over her head, Colin walks Iris to her front door.
Colin
Thanks for coming out.
Dad comes to the door and looks at them and then to the heavens.
Dad Still coming down then. Colin Bye. He makes to go. Iris Colin.
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Colin Turns back Yeah.
Iris Where are we going next week?
Back to 2004. Christal takes the focus.
Chris Addressing her class So children, my dad was
a professional cyclist then. He spent a lot of time abroad in Australia, South Africa racing. But it was all a bit serious for him. The Clarion was all about having fun and my dad missed me mum and they both missed going out to Bollington on the tandem with all their friends on a Sunday. She goes.
Enter Colin Iris. Colin
Iris I remember your dad saying: “Nowt but a pair of capitalists.” Laughs Still, he said my dad “were nowt but a bloody Tory” didn’t he?
Colin I think he felt a bit up against it. People didn’t have much time for Socialism or cycling in the Cold War.
Remember when we bought this place in ’55?
Iris Don’t have much time for it now really do they? We just needed to make a living. Christal would come along in a couple of years
Colin and then the twins.
Iris And now we're retiring. Pause It’ll be fine Colin.
Colin I just wish Rob were here.
Tris Well, you'll have to make do with Chris and
Garry won’t you?
Scene 8
‘England Arise’ on the piano. Birmingham Labour Church 1894. Enter Tom Groom and Nancy. They are late.
Nancy I do not wish to change my perspection Mr Groom! If my father were to cotton on to the fact we are attending a Labour Church, he would go spare.
Tom Well, let him. You’ve ridden a bicycle without doing any harm to your “lady functions”. This is the next stage in your education. Listen.
Margaret Macmillan is on the platform.
MM The British Islands do not belong to the British people; they belong to a few thousands of rich men. These men, and they ARE men not women, not only own the land, they own also, the rivers and lakes, the mines and minerals, the farms and orchards, the trees and thickets; the cattle and horses, and sheep and pigs, and poultry and game; the mills, factories, churches, houses, shops, railways, trains, ships, machinery, and, in fact, nearly everything except the bodies and souls of the workers and, as we shall see next time, they have almost complete power over these.
Applause
And now, I believe, we are to have the first rehearsal of the newly inaugurated Clarion Vocal Union,
presided over by Mr Atkinson. The group gather round the piano. Nancy Whispering can’t sing Mr Groom...
Atkinson Choral singing is the communion of the people
in sound, so
A chord is played on the piano. The group is encouraged to sing the chord. They do, Nancy is terribly out of tune.
Atkinson The same again. Nancy is still out, but slightly differently.
Someone is a little out I fear. And again
Nancy Whispering Please, 1 can’t do this. Please Mr Groom.
Tom Tom, for heaven’s sake.
Nancy Whispering Tom, then! There is a moment
between them. Tom can we go now?
Tom of you yet.
Very well Nancy, but we will make a Socialist
‘England Arise’ carries us through into the following scene.
Scene 9
Robert Blatchford and Edward Fay are on their way back from Ashbourne on the tandem. Fay is a little merry. He is wearing a lamppost top on his head.
Ned Bobby, Bobby give me your answer do Tm half crazy over the love of you It won’t be a stylish marriage Bob No it won’t. Now, stop singing and moving about. Ned Those two ferrets have joined us again Bob. It
appears to be round two in those trousers of yours.
Bob Are you drunk Ned?
Ned A little Bob, yes.
They cycle.
Ned A fine first Easter Meet for National Clarion Cycling Club.
Bob That should be meet and drink in your case.
“Enough is as good as a feast”, Ned.
Ned Well that’s where you are wrong, sir: “enough is nearly as good as a feast”. An important if subtle difference. We rather terrified the locals. Sunday morning, just out of church and to be enlightened about how they might change their enslaved existences for the better.
Bob I’m not sure I agree with ramming things down people’s throats after church. Far more persuasive than a harangue is to set an example. Our views will rub off.
Ned But you will be pleased with the way that the conference didn’t go.
Bob No law, no officials, no cackle. Some day the British public will do without the Houses of Parliament in the same way, and for the same reasons.
They cycle. Ned sees something.
Ned be stopped.
The yeomanry are out Bob. I believe we may
Two policemen (although they are portrayed by women!) bar the way.
PC1 Gentlemen. Could you er dism alight er... get off please.
They do. PC1 encourages PC2 to take the initiative.
37
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Evidently this is a bit of a training session.
PC2 Oh yes. Makes to remove his hat politely, PC1 stops him. Good day gentlemen. May we introduce ourselves? Iam...
PC1 Whispering We don’t need to introduce ourselves, you fool, we’re police officers!
Ned My word, a fairer pair of constables we are unlikely to meet! Wouldn’t you say Bob!
PC1
Ned Intoxication is a state of mind your honour, merely a short distance from sobriety.
PC2 We may have to arrest you for being drunk in charge of a vehicle.
PC1 Whispering That’s better.
PC2 Your condition will not allow you to have the requisite control of said transportation device.
Ned You have no need to concern yourself on that score your worship. My good friend here provides the direction, I am merely the engine.
Are you intoxicated sir?
Whispering Excellent. Good use of words.
Bob I wonder if we might ask the good officers what it is they require of us. PC1 We have been required to nip sedition in the
bud sir. It has come to our attention that there has been a meeting of so-called Socialists in the area who might wish to foment revolutionary harm.
PC2 In PCI’s ear Thing is sir, if these chaps kill anybody it'll be from laughing.
PC1 Shut up. Do you know anything about the theft of the top of a street lamp? Writing in his notebook.
Ned No. It is on his head. Bob and Ned do some business to conceal it.
PC1 A little deflated maybe Very well. I would like to thank you gentlemen for your invaluable assistance. Good day to you both. They break to the side.
Bob A call of nature Ned, and then we must away.
Ned Right you are Bob. He needs one too. Turns as they exit opposite side. Oh and Bob, I'll lead. I believe I spotted a hostelry not far from here when we came.
Exeunt.
PC2 I didn’t think that they’re capable of fomenting owt.
PCI Didn’t you?
PC2 No, you only had to listen to ’em.
PC1 Socialists move in mysterious ways.
PC2 Amused You’re not wrong, you only had to
look at them to see that!
PC1 Yes, well that’s enough now. Let’s get back to the station. PC2 All I'm saying is that if these two are Socialists
then I wouldn’t mind being one.
PC1 Shut up. And don’t in heaven’s name let the chief constable hear you say that.
Exeunt.
38
Scene 10
Theme.
Hoyland’s Cycles. Coming up to dinner time. Colin returns with a vital tool and continues to tinker. Garry comes in.
Garry Mum says that you are going to reignite the Champion, or whatever it was called. Rejoin it or something.
Colin It’s The Clarion, as you well know. I should still be a member and our Rob probably. You’re not, of course.
Garry Don’t need to be, do I?
Colin Well, you don’t cycle
Garry Why bother when you’ve got a car?
Colin Fun, Garry? You used to with our Rob. I
remember you both racing down Victoria Road.
Garry Yeah, and who won?
Colin Rob, of course, he were good though.
Garry Better than me, wa’n’t he?
Colin He loved it, you didn’t. The bike were a part
of his body, like it used to be with us 50 year ago. And the Clarion were
Garry You’ve not been on a bloody bike since he died, Dad. And it’s horrible on the roads these days, you get run over like Rob. And The Clarion?! Cycling and
Socialism?! Gimme a: break. It’s gone Dad. Like this place. Listen I’ve got to go. Might nip back later.
Makes to leave. Enter Christal. Christal You off?
Garry Yeah, got a lunch meeting. Opens the door Ah, bloody raining now! See you. He goes.
Christal Never liked it much in here did he?
Colin Not like you and Rob.
Christal No, he’s like Garry Dad!
Colin 49 years I’ve built up Hoyland’s Cycles. We
used to make frames you know in here, now we sell bloody space-bikes and fluorescent lycra. Rob would take it over if he were here wouldn’t he?
Christal Dunno Dad.
Colin What about you Christal? You race, you love bikes. You not fancy being the boss of Hoyland’s Cycles?
Christal We’ll see Dad. Come on let’s close up for dinner shall we? She switches the sign round. We'll talk about it later.
‘A Bicycle Made For One’ starts as they lock, tidy or set up for the beginning of the next act.
Scene 11
A Bicycle Made For One
It seems that when you make predictions They often won’t come true.
I always thought we’d go on forever
On a bicycle made for two.
Now a bicycle made for two
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Is now a bicycle made for one Keep on moving on
(Is all that you can do)
A bicycle made for two
(Is now a bicycle made for one) Keep on moving on
(Is all that you can do)
Thick as thieves the pair of us Partners in crime
Peas in a pod, inseparable
Mutt Jeff, two of a kind
We lived our lives in tandem Together me and you
And when you lose the other half You do the work of two
A bicycle made for two
(Is now a bicycle made for one) Keep on moving on
(Is all that you can do)
A bicycle made for two
(Is now a bicycle made for one) Keep on moving on
(Is all that you can do)
Blatchford Trying to write The Bounder is dead. Edward Francis Fay is It’s no use I can’t write it. I shall never hear him laugh nor make others laugh again; never hear him make Socialism sound as simple as a pint of bitter; never see him smuggle a bare-footed child into a cricket match. I feel as if there wasn’t any Clarion now. It seems as if it could not be true that he is dead except that he’s left three columns to be filled.
We lived our lives in tandem
Together me and you
But you took a fall on the long decline And you never made it to
A bicycle made for two
(Is now a bicycle made for one) Keep on moving on
(Is all that you can do)
Tt seems that when you make predictions They often won’t come true
I always thought we’d go on forever
On a bicycle made for two
End of Act I. Interval ACT II
Scene 1
Second half overture. Herne Hill Track, South London 1977 1951. Two commentators on either side of the stage. Com1 F (1977) uses a mic; Com2 M (1951) uses a megaphone. Colin Hoyland 20 (1951) and Rob Hoyland 15 (1977) played by the same actor will race their bike centre stage.
Com1 Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Herne Hill Track. If you weren’t here earlier for the heats leading up to this under 16 British Sprint Championship Final 1977, then you’ve missed a treat of raw speed and tactics. In the
final today is a young man with a pedigree every bit as rich as that of the club for which he rides. Rob Hoyland racing for Stockport Clarion Enter Rob with his “holder” waving to the crowd. He mounts his bike and waits for the start. is the son of none other than Colin Hoyland who became British Amateur Sprint Champion on this very track in 1951.
Com2 Ready Colin, Reg? Into megaphone Set, go. No one is scorching ahead in this1951 British Sprint Championship Final. It’s very steady and Reg Davis has the advantage just behind Colin Hoyland. Really we are almost at a standstill now, with Hoyland trying to force Davis to go ahead. But Davis can play a game like this with the best of them.
Colin In his head Come on Col, think Olympics in Helsinki. Got to force him to go ahead. Staaayyy stiiilll. Do it for The Clarion. Do it for your folks who scrimped
to buy this thing. Com1 And as the racers pick up speed near the begin-
ning of the sprint, it’s still young Rob Hoyland whose trying to stay in the advantage spot. Someone’s going to have
Robert Took and Peter Toon in Pedal Power
to make a mooove sooooon aaannnd there they go. Rob Hoyland has found himself right in the slipstream
Com2 Hoyland has got off to a flyer early. He’s taken a huge risk. Colin Pedalling furiously Dunno if I can keep this
up. Gone too bloody soon, I can feel his breath on me neck. That’s the line. Come on, come on
Com1 Rob’s leaving it very late. They’re wheel to wheel now
Colin Come on; for the Clarion.
Com1 Rob Hoyland’s edging it.
Com2 Colin Hoyland’s still going, this is wonderful sport.
Colin I’m gonna do this for meeee
Com2 He’s ahead now at the line.
Com1 2 And it’s The Clarion.
Hoyland right on the finish. For
Colin/Rob exhausted and happy dismounts and waves. Climbs on to a hastily erected podium and is presented with his medal.
39
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Com1 A young lad with a huge future in front of him. Let’s go and have a chat with him now.
Rob Out of breath and clutching his medal to his chest This is for every family that has had to save and save for a bike from me dad’s shop and for everyone that has ever been a member of the Clarion.
Com1
Rob Well, after he won here in ’51, me dad could have gone to the Olympics, but he needed to earn a living so he had to go pro, so this is for him too. Com1 makes to finish the interview And he would have wanted me to say that our club The Clarion stands for something more than just cycling, it stands for equality, freedom and friendship. This is for everyone that fights for those things. He goes.
Com1 future.
And what about your dad?
Thank you Rob Hoyland, a lad with a great
Reprise a little of ‘A Bicycle Made For One’.
Scene 2 y
Chris Addressing her class You see class, my brother and my father were both champions for the Clarion. They raced, but they also wanted to make the world a better place. They thought that by being friendly, helping people who were in trouble and cycling into the countryside with people who were older and of different colours and religions they might change the way that we all think and behave. Do you think that was a good thing to do?
She sits on her desk/shop counter. Theme. Hoyland’s Cycles. Early afternoon. Colin flips the sign to OPEN; Christal and Iris are sorting through some old stuff.
Iris Our Rob was on the way back from practice, wan't he love? He just got hit at the end of the road.
Colin He has Rob’s medal The driver was a nice fella actually, admitted responsibility, he wasn’t drunk or nothing. Just one of them things. Gives the medal to Iris.
Iris He had his medal in his pocket.
Colin We ran this place for him well no, for all of you but Rob always said he’d do it when we wanted to stop. Funny thing is I always said that I’d never not cycle, I could lose the shop, but not being able to ride would break my heart. When Rob died we kept this place and stopped cycling. We couldn’t bring ourselves to do it any
more, could we love? Iris Shakes her head.
Colin Now this place is going too. Cheering up a little Might start cycling again though, eh love? See if any of the old timers are still at the Clarion.
Iris Nods her head.
Chris Well that’s good i’n’t it. And don’t fret over Hoyland’s Cycles, the For Sale signs aren’t up yet. Let’s see what we can come up with.
Scene 3
Fast Lads and Easy Riders
Fast lads, fast lads And fast lads go at speed
40
Fixed wheel Freddy
Hears get set, ready
Goes tense, his eyes on the line;
With his feet strapped tight
To his jet black bike
All he knows now that this is the time To get to the finishing line
Before anybody gets by him
Cos he’s a fast lad, fast lad And fast lads go at speed
All he knows now that this is the time To get to the finishing line Before anybody gets by him
Ready, set, go
Easy riders on a club run on a Sunday
It’s family relaxation, it’s a picnic, it’s a fun day
Taking short cuts, stopping at the pub, singing on the way back
This is about as far away as you can get from the tack
And it’s so slow
Fast lads, fast lads And fast lads go at speed
He’s a Clarionette,
He’s gonna win you bet
Winds of change at his back;
if it’s not about winning, boy Or number one finishing
You best just stay off the track,
And put your bike in the back
Of your four wheel drive and skid-ad
If you’re a fast lad, fast lad And fast lads go at speed
You best just stay off the track, And put your bike in the back Of your four wheel drive and skid-ad
you’re too slow
Easy riders, single file out in the sticks,
Going no faster than the slowest person that there is.
Racing with the butterflies, time trialling with the bees;
Some of us want to run the docks and some like climbing trees
And we go slower than
Fast lads, fast lads/Easy riders
Scene 4
Bridgnorth 1914. The E.R. Fay Clarion Van. Billy, a young man from Birmingham, is peeling potatoes with some difficulty. Nancy and Mrs Caroline Youell (having gone through a radical change from Scene 3!) are there too.
Caroline
Nancy I think Billy’s going to be a little longer than that Looking at Billy Come along little brother, didn’t mother ever teach you how to peel spuds?
Calling Tea in ten minutes Clarionettes.
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Billy Disgruntled My mother was always out cycling or on the Clarion Van, big sister!
Nancy What does Mr Youell think of you being a Vanner Caroline? Spreading sedition and female suffrage, travelling around with all sorts of different young men; making them do all the work and sleep in a tent, while the women luxuriate in the comfort of the caravan!
Caroline Well Nancy, that Tom Groom and his paper have got a lot to answer for. Mr Youell knows that if he so much as utters one word of complaint, he’ll be employed as the horse pulling the caravan! They laugh.
Enter a Superior Person. He looks around.
sP What is the precise pecuniary remuneration of you people?
Billy What’s our which?
SP I mean, what do you get for this?
Billy I get nothing. Unless I do it wrong and then get jip.
SP Then why do you do it?
Billy Looking for help from Nancy and Caroline
Why do I do it?
Caroline the fellowship and to help create a better world. Why else do you think Billy?
Billy
SP As he exits 1 don’t know what his Lordship will think of you being seditious on his land. We hear bike bells and SP sees the NCCC returning. And all these bicycles frighten the horses, don’t you know. Exit.
Yes, I thought that might be it.
Nancy You can see why some people don’t want to be seen at the public meetings. They’re frightened of having their jobs and homes taken from them.
Caroline And yet the feeling from the crowd this morning was so strong. It was like a carnival after you’d spoken. These people want change. And if the same thing happened wherever a Clarion van stopped today well
Billy They are angry about war aren’t they? Soon they will be told to go all the way to France and they don’t think that England has done anything for them.
Caroline That’s right. I’ll go and get the cyclists for
their tea. Exits and sees the entering Tom Groom.
Caroline Evening Tom, successful I trust.
Tom Holding unsold Clarions People won’t buy them. They say, “Blatchford taught us to think for ourselves in The Clarion, now when we do think and we don’t agree with his war, he calls us conchies”. That’s what they say and they won’t buy anything with Blatchford’s name on it. This could be the end of the paper.
Nancy With affection But not the end of the National Clarion Cycling Club your club Tom Groom. The vans are doing such good work in the country and you cyclists support them, raising money, drawing the crowds. Draws him in And even if we did no good, at least we had a lot of fun doing it, heh? Tom?
Tom Smiles You’re right Nance. Lor, I’m ravenous, what's for t Sees Billy Oh no, raw potato and leather stew
again is it Billy? Didn’t your mother ever teach you to
Billy makes to throw a potato at Tom as he runs off.
Scene 5
Hoyland’s Theme Hoyland’s Cycles. Mid-afternoon. Enter Garry.
Garry Calling Hiya. Hello? Anyone in? To himself The whole of bloody East Manchester could come in here and rob the lot. Not that there’s much to nick. Discovers the medal on the counter ’Cept this. Reading “Under 16 British Amateur Sprint Champion 1977.” Talks to the medal as if it were Rob. I think even I was proud of you that day. I was jealous, of course, jealous of your gracefulness it was, and mum and dad’s pride in you. ’Spose I thought you’d get loads of presents and that. But when you got up on the podium and they put this over your head, I wanted to shout out “That’s our Rob that, my twin brother”. “A lad with a great future ahead of him.” Yeah right ’bout six months. could ’a been like you, well am like you I was well, no you were like me. Laughs as if Rob is there.
There’s a burst of laughter from Colin, Iris and Chris, off. Garry Not enough like you for them, though. Enter Colin laughing. There is a change when he sees Garry.
Colin What are you doing with that?
Garry Looking, ’sthat all right?
Colin Let’s have it back now. Comes to get it. Garry Can’t I look at it? He was my brother.
Colin Come on, give it here. Trying to get it.
Garry Not letting him just want to have a look. Colin You’ve seen it before. Can I have it back now? Garry Give us a chance
What was, perhaps, something of a game is turning a bit more serious for them now. Enter Iris and Christal. Iris sees what is going on and comes between it.
Iris Stop it, the pair of you, you’re like bloody kids! Garry gives up the medal.
Colin I was going to give it to Stockport Section if we go to the next meeting.
Garry Organ donors. All What? Garry Organ donors, that’s what they call them at
work, young, fit people who cycle. They get knocked off and killed and they’re nice and fresh for transplants when the ambulance picks ’em up.
Chris That’s sick.
Garry It’s dead useful though! More useful than all these bloody bikes and the Clarion. At least Rob could’ve achieved something by dying. Can’t you lot move on? Nothing ever changes for you does it? J mean you’ve been in here for 50 years, mourning Rob for 25, you’ve lived in Horton all your lives
Iris We spent a few years in Droylsden.
Garry Now all you want to do is stay here and join the Clarion again. Get out more!
4)
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Tris I'll go and put the kettle on. She goes.
Colin T’ll help you, love. He goes.
Pause.
Chris Nice one Garry.
Garry Head in his hands with regret never did like it much in here.
Chris Do you know who dad was named after? Garry What?
Chris He was named after Colin Copeland. In 1931,
Colin Copeland was of one of six Clarion cyclists, mainly from round here, who represented Britain at the Second International Workers Olympiad in Vienna
Garry Snorts with a little derision.
Chris No, hold on listen. Grandma was pregnant with dad at the time, but she let Grandpa go, and he did with about 50 other Clarionettes. It was the first time that most of them had ever been abroad, except maybe in the war.
Crossfade (with Garry Chris breaking) to Vienna 1931. A female delegate is welcoming the competitors. Colin Copeland is about third back in the line.
Del Wilkommen. Shaking hands Wilkommen.
Colin Wilkomm Thank you. Can you tell us where we pick up our irons love please. I’m racing tomorrow and usually the bearings need a look after travelling, so I might need some spare ones and a couple of cotter pins She has not understood a word of this. Oh, I’m sorry. Much slower Can you tell me where the bicycle store is please love, oh never mind, I’ll find someone else. She doesn’t understand. will find, ohhh. Ta ra!
He goes. Back to Chris and Garry.
Garry What’s this Workers’ Olympics when it’s at home? Chris Workers’ Olympiad; the International
Workers Sports Federation; “Peace Through Sport”. Tom Groom had almost been driven to despair by the 1st World War and by all the arguments within the Labour movement that it caused sound familiar?! and he wanted people to play sport rather than fight each other.
Garry You mean we could have had England v Iraq at footy instead? Just imagine the tackles?!
Chris Cross to Colin on his bike.
Starter Ready, set, GO.
Colin Pedalling Mass start, each man to set himself off. Bloody ’ell this is fast, can’t get me toe straps. Sees a cyclist go past Whose got a flier? One of the Austrians I think. Right gonna have to go in case he gets too far. Pedals furiously Come on lad, come on. There, we’re with the leaders. 10k to go, about 6 mile, half way, relax a bit now. Just look around see who’s going to make a move. Not me at the moment, too early, we’ll stay tucked in, save energy, get in the leaders’ slipstream. Looks around There’s the German, two of the Austrian team, the French lads have dropped back now. The whole world on a bike!
Sort of Garry, yeah!
Tom Groom Takes the focus We have started the international workers’ sports movement as a contribution
42
towards the protection of nations against future war; to use the sporting instincts of the workers as a means of breaking down international prejudices. Colin Copeland, Frank Johnson, Tommy Hirst, Ernest Deveney, James Tattersall and Frank Miller will compete in Vienna in the knowledge that riding for a principle will give new energy to tired legs.
Colin Pedalling a bit harder Eight of us leading, me just in front, got to stay here now. 300, 200, keep going lad. Nearly there. Shouts of support break out 100. What, no, there’s a wheel in front. Get to the line Shouts of support again that gradually fade.
Back to Chris and Garry. Garry So? Bloody hell Chris, did he win then?
Chris Pause Yeah, and he came second in the 1K sprint. Dad were born later that year and they called him Colin, after Colin Copeland.
Garry I think dad did try and tell us that once. I must have gone off and watched telly, left him to it, with Rob hanging on his every word.
Chris Colin Copeland’s dad, Jack, had been a Clarionette since the beginning of the century. Then Colin —I don’t know if Colin did, but a big team went out to the Olympiad at Barcelona which was cancelled ’cos of the Civil War in 1936. Some of the team stayed to help fight Franco. I suppose me dad was third generation, his dad was a Clarion man too. We’re the fourth generation Garry you and me.
Garry Yeah yeah, we are aren’t we? Scene 6 The Magic Wheel
The magic wheel is the way
To take me back to where I came from; Where I am today.
Take me back home
Sitting with my back to an hedge in the Surrey Hills
Sky pristine and the downs below me
Me brother’s bike’s there leaning on a tree.
All London’s waiting for me,
And London mums they’re cooking my tea
Take me back to Tottenham right away.
The magic wheel is the way
To take me back to where I came from; Where I am today.
Take me back home
Spain. Winter 1937. A billet in Madrid. Enter Tom Durban, a young Londoner, followed by Conchi Gonzalez.
Tom Come in, come along don’t be shy. There’s no Fascists in here. She comes No Franco. There. Me Points to himself Tom Durban from Tottenham in London and you?
Conchi Me llamo Conchi.
Tom My name is Conchi, yeah I understand that. No nationalistas here, only Clarion good fellowship AND Like a magician, takes out a bundle wrapped in brown paper these, ta-da!
Conchi What?
Pedal Power... the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Tom Cigarettos, aren’t they? For you to give out to the fighters. All collected by London and Southern Counties Unions of the Clarion.
Conchi
Tom Yeah, you know love the bicycles? Cycling? Does a rudimentary mime. She understands.
Conchi Ah si. You like the a mime too.
Clarion?
er bicicleta? She does
Tom Your cycle, ooh yes, I loved it. Even the five punctures and the chain coming off! We lost ours somewhere between Barcelona and here. Riding for the first time in months was like well, all the bad things you see, all the bombs and the sad people, you see different things on a bike, some beautiful things for once. And the rhythm of pedalling took me back to riding down Ferry Lane, over the River Lee at Tottenham Hale. Just like being back home.
Conchi She has not understood any of this but she can see the sentiment Me voy.
Tom You’re going, well Muchas gracias po the lend of your cyclo! She goes.
The magic wheel is the way
To take me back to where I came from; Where I am today.
Take me back home
Standing with my feet in a trench in Castilia
Plain below and the planes above me
Wish I had an English wind in me face and the rain on me.
All London’s waiting for me,
And London mums they’re cooking my tea.
Spoken Wonder where the pitch’ll be on Sunday, maybe Hertford or down in Town. Riding out to the Chilterns or along the river. There’ll be Tommy and Billy, the run captain at the front. “No passing me please”. Then pulling up alongside my sweetheart. Her hair blowing in the breeze.
Take me back to Blighty right away. Enter Roy Cox, a little older than Tom.
Roy And look what I have got from the postie. Clarion CC, London and Southern Counties Unions, Boots for June 1938. Pulls out a copy of Boots.
He hey, come on, what’s it say then?
Roy Flicks through and reads bits Geoff Ward Ted Jackson have ridden as part of a Glasgow to Barcelona Relay to raise money for the International Brigade With excitement “with which two of our own Roy Cox and Tom Durban are serving” 150 quid they managed. There’s some’ing about getting together to bring down the “National” government because of its agreement with Mussolini and not helping the elected government here and there’s a couple of dances.
Tom
Tom Sort ’a makes it worthwhile dunnit.
Roy What freezing your parts off and no decent
food while your mates are out riding? Yeah, all worthwhile. Tom We're fighting fascism though.
Roy Yeah, and all our comrades are fighting the anarchists who hate the socialists who think the collectivists
are class traitors. We don’t need Franco’s lot, we can fight each other. Aren’t we all supposed to want the same thing?
Tom Yeah, but Roy whatever that thing is. You know what? It’s only gonna bloody come riding on a bike, innit?! They laugh.
All London’s waiting for me,
And London mums they’re cooking my tea.
The Surrey Hills and the Tower of London;
The River Thames and Shoeburyness,
The Kent Marshes and hop fields.
Take me back to Blighty right away
The magic wheel is the way
To take me back to where I came from; Where I am today.
Take me back home.
Scene 7
Buxton Easter Meet 1944 dinner. Tom Groom (73) is speaking. Nancy is standing a little upstage.
Tom Groom As the last of those first seven Clarion pioneers from Birmingham, I am proud to be here 50 years later in 1944 to celebrate our jubilee. But war and its casualties make it impossible to hold junketings. Our endeavours to substitute the sanity of sport for the madness of murder were finally dashed when in 1939 the second world war of my lifetime broke out and at this time we must remember all those members still fighting. We must also bow our heads for two young men who went to Barcelona in 1936. Roy Cox and Tom Durban lost their lives in 1937 in Madrid fighting for democracy and freedom. Bows his head Of all the Clarion organisations the cycling club is the only one that remains fully alive
The speech is taken over by Nancy.
Nancy and as long as it keeps true to its Objects: Mutual Aid, Good Fellowship and Propagation of the Principles of Socialism it will have good cause and reason for keeping alive. Tom Groom said this just before his death on 15th July 1945, and that a Clarion CC that exists merely for cycling is a very poor thing indeed.
Scene 8
A comic comes on with a cheap mic. He is accompanied by his stooge on a uke.
Comic I don’t like politics and I certainly don’t like Socialists don’t expect you do much either. I don’t even know what a Socialist is. And you know what, I don’t think they do either. And even if they did know what one was they wouldn’t know what to do with it. Allow me to explain:
The BSP became the CPGB
Gave ’em all the heebie geebies
Now they all hate the SWP
Who took their bat from the WRP.
This all sprung from the SDF
Who used to be called the SDP
But not J think the SDP
That’s more familiar to you and me you see
they’re actually really very different. Of course the PLP was the LRC Or the Fabians and the ILP. Now we all think that the PLP
43
Pedal Power the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Are a little bit like the more recent SDP not the older one, which was really very different. Marxists, Leninists, Trotskyists, Maoists, Stalinists, anarchists can you please tell me how is One supposed to understand all this? When the BWSF Is the NWSF All under the WSF And the IUWPE that’s the International Union of Workers’ Physical Education by the way. Had a bit of a narrow remit that one. I don’t really think that it could be any harder, So lets all get a ticket for The International Red Workers’ Spartakiade. That was supposed to be in Moscow in 1928, but we couldn’t go ’cos it was organised by Communists. The End. Thank you.
Scene 9
Hoyland’s Theme.
Hoyland’s Cycles. Late afternoon. Colin and Iris are putting the finishing touches to the packing. Chris and Garry are in a different part of the shop getting things packed up too. A diptych.
Tris That’s about it then Colin, I think. Colin Tris Colin, we’ve had three people in today. One wanted to wish you happy retirement, one to bring something back that had broken and the other one was lost. I think we can close now don’t you.
It’s still a bit early to shut. We'll wait until 5.30.
Colin doesn’t do anything about it, he’s looking at old bike bits. She flips the sign.
Garry All right, Chris, I honestly never realised it did so much.
Chris They reckon that for every one person that read Marx
Garry Is that Groucho or Harpo?
Chris Karl, you muppet. For every one that read him
a hundred read The Clarion. Without those cycling socialists, I think we might live in a different world. It’s so loopy though isn’t it, so British somehow, that a group of men and women on bicycles with saddlebags stuffed with leaflets could expect to change the world!
Garry Hold on a minute, you saying that ’cos of this lot we’ve got Tony Blair?!
Colin picks up a set of pedals.
Colin Now I had these on the old BSA. The one rode during the war.
Tris Good heavens you’re a hoarder. The war!?! That the Boer war is it?
Colin I rode that bike down with me family to vote in 1945. We all went, I must’a’ been 14, 15. Yellow Labour rosettes. remember me dad saying that after the landslide the barbers in Horton were charging Tories double for a shave because their faces were so long. Laughs.
Tris Laughs.
44
Chris and Garry.
Garry
Chris The National Clarion Cycling Club carries on: racing, time trialling, going out on club runs, Easter Meets. The car hasn’t helped, but the club’s plugged away.
So what happened then?
Garry And it didn’t help having the words cycling and socialism associated with it did it? Not a popular combination.
Chris I’m going to take the shop over.
Garry Pause You what?
Chris I’m going to run this place.
Garry What? Why? What about teaching?
Chris Oh, I’m sick of it; sick of the tests, sick of the
paperwork. I went into teaching to try and make the world a... nicer yeah nicer! place, to make nicer people, sounds stupid dunnit? Now all I’m allowed to do is make little people into little capitalists. want to make them into little cyclists. ’d do more good here!
Colin and Iris are laughing. Garry and Chris take a look and head off to see what’s going on.
Colin the chain came off, dinnit, wrapped itself round and pulled the back end of the frame round the front. We jumped on the wheel, and we had some spare spokes and that talk about roadside repairs! Anyway it happened again, and I said that’s it, that’s it! There was a farm up a long lane wa’n’t there. Chris is there So I went up and he goes “Phor, that’s a mess”. He asked me where I lived, and he said we deliver milk there, at the Co-Op, I'll drop your bike off in the morning.
Tris Jammy bugger! Well, he had to get the bus back to Manchester. Now people didn’t wear shorts in them days, so no one would sit next to him!
Colin I think I had a bit of mudguard with me and the driver says “Is that all you’ve got left?” I said “Yeah, just about.” They all join in and laugh.
Iris He was straight out again next week of course. Colin That wasn’t that long after I opened this place. Chris Pll do it.
Tris Do what love?
Chris What we’ve been talking about all day, I’ll do it. Iris You’ve lost me love.
Chris Ill take this place over, I’ll keep it on as a bike
shop if you'll let me.
Iris Oh love, oh good heavens. Let you?! Of course we'll let you, you daft thing. But what about Chris gives her a “Don’t ask” look. Iris gives her a hug. Do you hear that Colin? Christal’s gonna run the shop.
Colin Smiles You mean we’ve packed all this stuff away for nowt!! Chris That’s what Garry said. He’s nipped out to get
a bottle. Have you not seen, the sun’s come out. And I found this in the back Picks up the Clarion Repair sign “Official Clarion repairer”. I'll make a few changes but this is going up first.
She goes. Pause.
Pedal Power... the continuing journey of the National Clarion Cycling Club
Colin Well love, the sun’s out and it’s not too windy. Fancy bobbing down to Bollington on the tandem?
They smile and music begins.
Scene 10
Colin Iris stand ready to get on the tandem outside the shop.
Iris Isn’t it lovely Colin? Is Spring here at last?
Colin 20 mile love; not been on a tandem for 25 years; ready for this?
An old timer walks down the street, stops and gawps at the tandem.
Iris Hello. Old timer
Iris Oh yes. Did you used to be a member? We were thinking of rejoining it if it’s still going or reviving it.
Old timer Reviving it? It’s not been bloody un-vived. Club night tonight at the Warwick Castle, come along and find out where we’re going on Sunday. Easter meet in Scarborough in a few weeks, they’re going to try to vote that we take the word Socialism out of the rule. Over my bloody dead body. He goes.
Colin
They get on. They are wary at first but as they begin to pedal they grow in confidence. ‘England Arise’ begins. They cycle into a Cheshire sunset.
Used to have a lot of them in the Clarion.
Come on stoker, on the back!
Tris Pedal power, eh love?! Colin
Start with one voice (Iris), she tries to get Colin to join in, which he does, reluctantly at first but then with some gusto. The song will gradually build.
Do you remember us singing? Shall we sing?
England arise! The long long night is over Faint in the east behold the dawn appear Out of your evil dreams of toil and sorrow Arise O! England for the day is here
From your fields and hills Hark! The answer swells Arise, O England for the day is here
People of England! All your valleys call you
High in the rising sun the lark sings clear
Will you dream on, let shameful slumbers thrall you?
Will you disown your native land so dear
Shall it die unheard
That sweet pleading word?
Arise O! England for the day is here.
Colin It is my pleasure, at this National Clarion Cycling Club Easter Meet in Scarborough 2004 to announce that the motion to retain rule 2 that the Club’s objects be “Mutual aid, good fellowship and support for the principles of Socialism” has been carried by a 2/3s majority. Tom Groom, the founding fathers and everyone that has cycled out on a Sunday with a heart full of hope and a saddlebag full of leaflets can rest easy knowing that the roots of this great club remain and the tree stands still, proud and true. Boots!
Over your face a web of lies is woven,
Laws that are falsehoods pin you to the ground,
Labour is mocked, its just reward is stolen
On its bent back sits idleness encrowned
How long while you sleep
Your harvest shall it reap?
Arise O England for the day is here
Forth then, ye heroes, patriots and lovers! Comrades of danger, poverty and scorn! Mighty in faith of freedom your great mother! Giants refreshed in joy’s great rising morn! Come and swell the song,
Silent now so long:
England is risen! and the day is here.
The End
£10 including post and packing
£15 hardback, £7.50 paperback
MIKRON THEATRE T-SHIRT (s/m/l) £8
MIKRON LIVE AT THE MECHANICS features songs from Mikron shows 1990-2003
’D GO BACK TOMORROW by Mike Lucas A lively account of 30 years of Mikron Theatre
All items available by post from
Mikron Theatre MarsdenMechanics Peel Street Marsden HD7 6BW
Cheques payable to Mikron Theatre Company Ltd.
More information from www. mikron.org.uk
THEATRE COMPANY
45